Redemption
by hybridbpv
Summary: The 5th and final chapter to the Empty series; thank you all for your support! Please review and favourite. Bond/OC smut. Rated for sexual content, language. I do not own anything except for the story. (: xx COMPLETED (14/01/13)
1. Aftermath

Please review/favourite - it makes me oh-so-happy when you do! (: xx

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Natasha didn't move. Not a single bit. Bond stood motionless. Almost as motionless as her. A tear ran down his cheek. _This is your fault. All of it is your fault._ The doctors moved. She gasped for air. Her eyes opened. _She's okay, she's okay._ But she was obviously in pain.

After all the doctors moved out of the room, Bond knocked on her door as he entered. She was breathing lightly, her thumb hovering over the Vicodin button. She looked at him. Her face tensed. It was the same look she had given him in the interrogation room. _No, no, no! _She shook her head.

"Natasha." Bond sat on her bed. She shut her eyes, obviously trying to get away from him. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." She shook her head furiously as he cooed her. But the more he said, the more she fought and resented. He promised that he wouldn't hurt her. He promised. He said that he loved her. It was all a _lie._

Natasha stayed silent. Not even a single squeak, not even a whimper. It was different from the first time they sat together. She was afraid - but this time, she was _hurt._ He reached out to touch her.

"No, no, no, no, NO!" Natasha's voiced started as a small whisper, but progressed to the point where she was screaming and everything was hurting, her ribs, all the bruises. Bond stood up, in shock, looking out of the window and running a hand through his tousled hair. Nurses ran into her room and ushered him out, while the others gave her a sedative to calm her down.

"Mister…" The nurse started once they were outside, sitting on the row of chairs. "It's not my place to say, and I don't know what happened, but I think Miss Hall just needs some time. Recovering patients are extremely vulnerable and prone to strong emotions, they often cannot control their thoughts. The drugs fuzz things up."

Bond took a cab to the street next to HQ. He was too cold - in his usual shirt and pants, but everything was unusually cold. The wind blew against his neck, it was almost painfully stinging. Walking through the front doors, his body knew what he was doing, but his mind didn't. He wandered into M's office without his usual grace and elegance.

"Well?" M said.

"Well what?" Bond snapped. M knew instantly that he was not in a good mood, so she cut the crap and got to the point.

"We've gotten their information. On the way to the nest. You've helped lots of people, Bond. Well done." M nodded approvingly.

"Too bad I can't help myself." Bond muttered.

"Why, what's happened that made you so upset?" M sat down in her chair.

"It's… it's nothing. I think I just need a good night's sleep. I need to take a break." He faked a yawn.

"There'll be no problem with that, just let me catch up from time to time, and let me know when you're ready." M agreed.

"Catch you later, M." Bond called, walking out of the room.


	2. Your Mind Plays Tricks On You

Sorry I've not been updating lately. It was the first week of school this week, and lots have happened. I'm glad to announce that I got captains for 2 events. Please enjoy this update, fav/review and I will follow up soon (: xx

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Natasha's voice chimed and echoed in James' mind. He laid on his bed, belly up, hands behind his head, hoping for some rest. But sleep simply did not come at all. He had caused her so much pain. He had caused himself pain. He didn't mind hurting, no. But the knowledge that he'd broken her - he'd broken her even more than she was when he met her. He'd hurt the innocent girl with his very own hands. She hated him, that's for sure. Only… will she ever forgive him? _Forgive and forget._ Forget - highly unlikely. Forgive… well. There is a possibility. After all, she was so vulnerable. _But no… you can't manipulate her when she's at her most vulnerable… when she's most fragile and broken… by you. No… That's not human._ Bond shook the gruesome, horrible thought out of his head. He had reduced her flawless, glowing skin to a purple, bloody sight._ "Please don't hurt me…" _her whimpers resonated in his mind. _Stop… just stop. _It was all too much. A while ago, he had broken his mirror. Now only shards of glass remain on the bathroom floor, along with his blood stained on the blue tiles. It was that night, that he'd lost control of his emotions. It was that night that he finally realised; he was going insane.

Bond had suspected so much, and for a while now. After Vesper, everything was so clear - too clear. He knew what he needed to do and he did it. But there was something wrong. He didn't feel like himself. He didn't feel like the person he was with her, and maybe a bit of his heart went along with her when she died. The fuse that was his humanity blew. Natasha brought that back. And he blew it again. Again and again. He _was_ going insane.

When he'd thought that Natasha died… when he had done such nasty, horrible things to her. When he was himself, but not himself - would she forgive him? She loved him. _Loved._ He had drawn to the conclusion that it was past tense. That it was in the past. He can't put down the past. But he can prevent the future. He can stop himself before he goes _completely _insane, before he manages to hurt M, to hurt everyone he knows, that has worked with him, and everyone that he considers important._ You can end it all, Bond. You're going insane._

Natasha… he loved her? He _loves_ her. He loves her, and having to hurt her was so painful for him. It was like putting salt on an ugly wound. Bond punched himself on the wound on his hip. It hurt. A lot. It was still better than what he felt inside. Bond was not a feelings person, and probably never will be - because he will never have the _chance_ to be. M was somewhat a mother figure, but not someone who he's talk to in great depth. And Natasha… she won't ever forgive him.

Beside his bed was a small drawer. He opened the first drawer. His phone and his _gun._ _See? This is how you can end it, you bastard. Stop everything. Forget the past. And then you can finally sleep._ The last time he slept with Natasha… It was one of the odd nights where they did not make love. Perhaps it was the lack of energy, but more likely he had something to say. Just looking at her made him speechless, made him weaker and fluffy inside. He didn't have the courage to say it. To offer her that he'd quit. They could do whatever they wanted. The last time he'd said it, Vesper died for him. Natasha almost did. She deserved so much better. She had no choice. _Choice._ _That's right. Say your goodbye. You have no choice._

So Bond took out a pen. He started scribbling on a piece of paper and he kept scribbling. The sky was getting lighter, but the sun did not show yet. Bond packed his stuff. He left a small piece of paper on his bedside drawer. He took his bag and before leaving his apartment, he turned to say his last farewell.


	3. Ghosts

Thank you for your continuos support. Sorry I haven't been able to update as often as I hoped to. Please favourite/review and enjoy the story (: xx

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Natasha woke up. Everything was numb thanks to the drugs. She was on a dangerous amount of painkillers, but she didn't care. She didn't care, because anything that masked the pain was good. Everything that made her forget about _him._ The blonde prince that rescued her from that demented place, that brought her food and gave her the first smile she'd seen in months. It was a cold Tuesday morning, and it was raining _again._ She yawned and stretched and made her way to the toilet. She looked like _hell._ The bruises were fading from their darkest, the colours ranging from blue to purple and yellow and grey. And they were painful. Every breath she took burned. Her ribs felt like something had been carved into them. The doctors said that they were broken._ James broke them._

After what he'd said, what he'd told her, she thought that it was true. She thought that he loved her, and that he meant it when he said he wouldn't hurt her. He lied. Natasha didn't care how desperate the situation was. He lied to her, and he hurt her badly

She walked back into the main bedroom. There was a letter on her pillow. It wasn't there before. She walked towards it and sat, picking the envelope up. _"To Natasha." _The handwriting was extraordinarily… well, it just gave her a familiar feeling. She opened it carefully and unfolded the letter. It read:

_"My dearest Natasha:_

_I know you're angry, and upset, and disappointed and hurt. But please, please read this. I wish you the best for the future and please get well soon. You're not going to hear from me ever again. That is, unless you initiate contact. My number is at the back of this page. I'm sorry. I'll miss you and I love you._

_James."_

Natasha couldn't help but feel the tears stream down her cheeks. _He loves you… he still loves you. But he hurt you. He looked you in the eye and hurt you._ _Don't let that happen to you again._ What Natasha was feeling was nothing short of a million emotions. She was so confused, because they shared a love, but she was fractured inside. The image of James was so clean, right until the moment he walked up to her and hit her. She didn't think she could ever let go of the fear and the horror about him.

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Bond sat on the boat, the water bright and calm, as they sped over the Pacific Ocean. He looked over the horizon. M wouldn't be able to find him. During his first year at MI6, he decided that when he'd had enough, he'd leave and never look back. Of course, at the time, he was young and naive and didn't know what the future held for him. So he'd bought a satellite phone and made some friends on the black market who gave him some fake identifications. MI6 has not a clue about this. M trusts him, and perhaps he betrayed her trust, but she'd understand _eventually._ A friend also bought him a house on the beach, away from the world - away from the horrors that would haunt him. But also away from the girl on his mind.

He got off the boat swiftly, upon its halt. It was a beautiful place. Absolutely beautiful. It was nearly perfect. But something was missing. As usual he was alone. But for the first time in a long time, he felt lonely. In the past, he was accustomed to being alone. Being independent played a large part in field work. But this loneliness was unbearable. He had grown so restless for the last few days that his face had become somewhat ghastly. There was none of his usual charm, his bright eyes, no more of Bond's smile. The left his past back in the gloomy England, and yet he could not feel the usual rush of sunshine and beach. The sunlight hitting his skin only left a burn. No more warmness. Through a friend, Bond had sent M his notice. It was his way of saying goodbye. M would find the note on his table. All the years of friendship, all the years they had established a relationship, all of it would be wiped with a cold note. The flat lines of ink scratched on a piece of paper.

The vast emptiness of the mansion didn't help either. Everyday, he grew more tired of being by himself. The little voice in his head growing louder and more frequent. _"End it all."_ It said. _"You know the way."_ He knew he needed psychiatric help, but being the man he is, he refused. He refused human contact. He refused to establish any more relationships.

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It had been a month now. Natasha thought as she passed St. Bart's. A month ago, she was emitted from the hospital. Sure enough, MI6 gave her support. They gave her a job and a temporary apartment, any financial support, she needed she just had to ask. But something was very wrong, something was missing. It was like someone ripped her heart in half and threw the pieces to opposite ends of the Earth. Whatever it was, it made her suffocate.

Natasha kept the note along with the envelope on her bedside table. She didn't know why she did it, but there was this intuitive feeling in her gut that someday, she would need it. It didn't make sense to her. Bond was a man that she didn't want to see, yet was aching for him. Bond was a man she vowed to never think of, yet always on her mind. This conflict inside her head killed her, slowly, bit by bit, until she could barely recognise herself. People around her had seen the change. Instead of getting better, she was deteriorating. She'd told her psychiatrist about the thoughts in her head, she'd been to sessions with multiple counsellors, and doctors. But none of them could help. Natasha was scared of being someone else, because a man she loves once told her that she was a good person. His opinion mattered. _He _mattered.

In reality, she actually could not remember most of her days. Maybe it was too routinely, or repetitive, but either way, she just couldn't remember. Everything just whizzed past her. The people on the streets were just shadows. Any words spoken were just sounds. And one day, somehow, it was just when she finished her salad for dinner, she found on the side of the street in a phonebook with the phone cradled between her palms. How she ended up there, she did not know. Normally, she would've been washing up or showering or watching the news. But somehow, her brain took her there. And why was she holding a phone? She was holding a phone because she was staring at an envelop. _The envelop._ It was so bizarre. She didn't even remember opening it. And somehow, she conjured up the last ounce of her courage and punched in the numbers onto the box.

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I'm really excited to finish this story! Hopefully the last 2 chapters will be up by the end of the week of the 14th of January. (: xx


	4. 42

The phone rang loudly in James's ear. _Who the hell calls at five in the morning._ But soon he realised this noise was not coming from the land line. It was his satellite phone.

"Hello?" James answered. There were two possibilities here. One was his friend, and the other was…_ Natasha._

The first word smashed Natasha's heart into smithereens. His voice was so croaky and husky, there was no usual warmth in it. But it was so soothing.

"Hello?" James answered again. Natasha could stop herself from gasping and choking on her tears. She couldn't bear to hear his voice but she didn't want to put the phone down. James must've heard her sob. "Natasha?" His spirits lifted the moment he said her name. "Is this Natasha?"

Natasha put a hand on her mouth to mute the low whimpers that she made. She missed him so much, but she was so scared of him.

"Natasha, if you're listening, I hope you're okay." James desperately breathed in the phone.

"I…" Natasha whispered painfully, "I miss you."

"I miss you too, Natasha." James clutched the phone tighter in his hand.

"Where are you?" Natasha asked.

"In Fiji." James sighed. "I thought that if I could get away from England, that I would forget all of it. It didn't work."

"You wanted to forget… to forget me?" Natasha clenched her jaws together to stop the feeling of nausea.

"No, no, of course not. I thought you would never talk to me again. It's been a month." James dismissed the thought of her dead multiple times before, the thought of her being hurt, the thought of hurting her. "Natasha… I'm so sorry. I - I can't apologise enough to wipe my slate clean. I miss you. I'm sorry." James felt the first tear trickle down the left side of his face.

"I know. I'm still…" She breathed. "I'm still trying to get over it." Both of them just listened to the other breath. "Please come back?" She asked quietly.

"Come back?" James asked.

"Yes. I - I want to see you. And whether we want to part ways or… either way." Natasha sniffled.

"Now?" James asked again. "I - I don't want to… hurt you again, mentally, I mean." He paused. "Natasha… The past few weeks have been so hard. I don't feel right without you."

"It has been, for me too." Natasha whimpered lightly. "James… please come back for me."

"Okay." James said.

"Where do we meet?" Natasha wiped her face with the back of her hand.

"At your place. I have your address." James walked to the drawer and slipped out a sheet of paper. "Will you be home tomorrow? It's Sunday."

"Yes." Natasha replied.

"I'll see you then." And then Bond did something he never thought he would do. He kissed Natasha through the phone before pressing the little red button.

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Bond never had a moment that blew him away. But this was it. No-one knew that there were so many things that could please him. Killing was one of them. But this sight in front of him was infinitely better. Natasha, sleeping, was one of the only things that would strike him speechless. After her reaffirming words from yesterday, all was made clear. He couldn't be away from her, and neither she from him.

There were moments where he sincerely doubted himself. Whether Natasha would be too frightened to talk to him properly. If he would reduce her to a shaking, horrified puddle. When he was on the boat, he kept thinking, what if this was only a ploy for M to get back at me. But then again, M didn't know that he'd left Natasha with the phone number instead of her. _Maybe you should apologise later._

But right now, his brain had not any room for those thoughts, because his love was laying quietly in her slumber. Bond wanted to cry, but now was not the time. He didn't want to touch her yet. He needed her confirmation. He needed her permission to once again approach her in the same manner he did before. _It'll take time. _He thought silently._ It'll take time for her to heal, and for you to be better, but it'll be worth it._

Perhaps the little voice inside his head knew, or perhaps Natasha was just the cure for his insanity. Whatever had healed him, whatever had made the voice disappear, Bond was thankful. He was so driven to see her that he had completely forgot about it, and neither did he hear it. Perhaps it was the light that Natasha brought into his mind that cleared up all the dark clouds. No more rain, and no more storms. Even London was bright and calm. On Sunday morning, it was not raining. For once, the sky was blue and birds were heard chirping away.

Natasha's skin looked like crystal beneath the sun. It was evident that she'd grown even thinner, if possible, but it looked like she had her soul drained out of her for good. It was like someone hammered a stake into Bond's heart. _She's like this because you hurt her._ _Don't fuck up again. Don't hurt her again._ And Bond could stare at her in her sleep forever, her beauty wasn't taken away by her current state. It was only diminished. With time and guidance and _his_ love, she would be herself again._ Or so you think._

Her familiar whimpers brought him back home. Her head turned slightly on the down pillow. Her standard routine before waking up. The sounds and sights were no stranger to Bond, as he'd observed her when he woke before her. With one last light moan, Natasha's eyelids fluttered open. She blinked, as always, to clear up the fuzziness in her eyes.

"Good morning, darling." James smiled and greeted her politely.

"James?" Natasha stared at him, wide eyed. "Uh… hi." There was a long, uncomfortable pause.

"I missed you." James said, "I missed you gravely."

"I missed you too." Natasha mumbled, not sure if she should look away or continue staring. She moved her eyes down to stare at the blanket.

"Natasha…" James whispered her name in a familiar tone. "I'm so sorry." Her eyes began watering up. "Oh, no, baby, please. Please don't cry."

"I - I…" Natasha couldn't help but let the tears fall and wipe them from her face. "You promised not to hurt me. You promised me."

"I know…" James restrained himself from touching her. "Natasha… it was the hardest thing I'd ever done. You were so brave. I - I didn't want to hurt you. I hate myself for it. I was… Natasha. I think I've gone insane."

"You're not… James. They made you do it. You're not insane… you're just… conflicted. I - I'm still a bit afraid of you…" Natasha clutched the sleeve of his shirt. "But I still have feelings for you."

"Me too." James stayed silent for a while. "I want to make love to you." Natasha only needed to nod before their mouths collided.

And in that moment, the world felt right again. She had forgiven him and he had officially apologised. They both knew that they were meant to be together.

* * *

James had his arms around her waist, his heat radiating to her pale skin. Natasha was sobbing - James could tell by the irregular rhythm of her body.

"What's wrong?" James finally turned her around, kissing her tears away.

"I'm afraid." Natasha gasped between her sobs.

"Of me?" Bond asked.

"That I would lose you." Natasha grabbed his hand. "Without you, I'm nothing."

"No, Natasha. You were the light at the end of the tunnel. I thought about living without you drove me… I wanted to do some very irrational things. You saved me. I don't know how to thank you enough, but, the day I met you was the day I met the turning point in my life."

"You saved my life too, James. You actually _physically _saved me. Wipe away all of it. I don't want to lose you… I just want to be with you." Natasha moved closer to James. "I love you." Natasha whispered.

This was when James knew what he had to do. He finally had something to live for. She was the meaning of his life. It was fate that brought them together, separated them and brought them back together again. It was her innocence and her heart that brought him back from the edge on insanity and death. Her love moved him in ways he'd thought impossible. He was never good at sentiment, or caring, or love. She had taught him about the things that were missing from his life, from day one. In this moment, he knew that where he finally belonged. In her heart.

"I love you too." James whispered, before bringing her head to his chest and drifted into an easy sleep.


	5. Epilogue

It didn't take long for things to get sorted out. M only gave him a rant about how he'd left a note with such illegible handwriting, but he knew that she was happy for him to finally be himself. 007 officially withdrew from MI6. James Bond was no longer an agent. He was just James Bond.

Most of the times, he would just casually stroll down the beach near his mansion in Fiji. He had always loved the beach. The sun, the sea, the sand. Everything just felt right.

There were moments in his life that was better than the others. For example, the day Natasha said yes. M was the first and only person to know. And now, Bond wore a silver ring that glistened and glowed in the sunlight.

It had taken some time and convincing, but somehow, Natasha talked him into having a first child. Upon mustering up all the internet research and persuasion skills, James had agreed to let Natasha stop using birth controls. He'd sworn that he'd be a bad father, but she knew it wasn't the case.

Natasha didn't know when to break the news to him. She'd miss two periods already. When she tells him, he might be shocked and speechless, but Natasha knew for a fact that James Bond would never hurt her. The undeniable love between them was all they could ever dream of.

She never forgot the pain. He never forgot the pain. But the only thought inside their heads was that they chose to hold the memories dearest to them close at heart. They chose to remember what they did right. Nothing else in the world mattered. No matter what they went through, and no matter what was to come; the bond between them was unbreakable.

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My name is Natasha Hall Bond, and I love every single moment with him. James might not have the cleanest of slates, or the kindest of hearts. But he was, is, and will be mine to cherish... until the end of time.

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_And that, my friends, was the last of the "Empty" Series. I am going to post a master version of the series (with all the mistakes erased/changed, and I will put the whole thing out as one story). Thank you for spending time and effort to read this fanfic. I enjoyed every single moment of it. Thank you for all who have given me comments, praise, favourites and follows. Thank you for all your support and kindness. I cannot use words to describe how grateful I am._

_But my story does not end here:_  
_I will continue to post more pieces, and I am always open to requests._

_Thank you so much (: xx_


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